A Bowl of Sweets

Friday, Oct 28, 2011. I wake up early at 5 am from a beautiful dream. I was with my community and there is an activity. We were segregated accordingly and each person has a package with them and a bowl of sweets each. I was with Ellyn and am looking for J. His parents were there but I didn't see him. Then Judith called me to join the youth. My bowl of sweets is on the table. I was eating them one by one with each having a different make. Am wondering if it is ok to eat it now. Then an elderly woman came to eat also. She didn't know she also have a bowl. Then the more that I started consuming my bowl and savoring its sweetness. It is ok if somebody shares but I really want to taste each for they have different texture and flavor.

Then I wake up, I have enough time to do my laundry, finished it and hanged them then took a bath then I went to school early. It is a mass and thank God I was able to lead the singing in the mass (of course there are still some jinxes, but nevermind, as long as the presence of God was strongly felt.)

My day yesterday was beautiful. But still, a hint of sadness hit me when I saw K joining A and his friends in going home. Until now, it deeply hurts especially that K is worsening my project. So I spent some time alone again by the river feeling the hurt and the pain while waiting for Ellyn.

Evening was spent chatting with my friend until we went home. 

A man and a woman in the 20's

There is a woman and a man/boy? who looked weird because they wear clothes circa 1920's in the US. Then later someone helped them and they started to fit in.  The woman and the boy is getting along so well but there is a man with greying hair with glasses who is like them. He is getting along so well also but I saw him sadly looking at his jewels of a heart and square and wrist watch. He is deciding which will he sell just so he can give the cost of his remaining possessions to the fat pig-like bum leaning on the post. Sadly, he choose to sell the square and heart jewelry for a few coins. I feel that these jewelries are more important to him especially the heart because it is the only memory of love and relations of good days gone by. I feel so sad about that dream that when I wake up, I told myself I should have bought the jewelries and gave it back to the man.

And oh, I remember right before I wake up, I saw the image of K J for a few seconds. I wonder why. I feel so sad and confused. Surely, there is something about this dream. The symbolisms I can't understand or rather I don't want to understand.

Then I 've just watched August Rush. I feel such emotions while watching it that I really did shed tears when the movie ended which added more to my confusion. Seemingly, there is a message to all these but either I can't understand or I really am afraid to know.

Bah, well for sure I will make my music alive again.

Goodnight, prepare for another school day tomorrow.

White Pillow

This morning's dream gives me comfort and peace in the midst of my pain and confusion.

Aian, JP and me were going out of the school then we fell asleep on a white pillow. I woke up and wondered how come I fell asleep and he is with me, his face facing mine. The two of us are sleeping using my white soft pillow. Then Aian, me are inside a big house. This time, it is Alma who is with us and some other people. We were figuring out the house. There is a stair case going up, but there is also an elevator but my companions are trying to look for the entrance of the elevator. In my mind, I guess I know. Then Alma looked into the ref and somewhat it looks like we are going to cook. Then Aian started already to go up the stairs calling us when are we going to go up, telling us why waste time on the elevator to open when there is an other option. Then pop, I wake up.

That dream just brought me peace and assurance. 

October 4, 2011

Woke up again this morning with a dream. It showed me the elder brothers of Astro. All of them have something in common with him. The other sibling have semblance with his eyes. And again this time, I feel like I am in a hazy place not my place...enchanting. I can dimly recall that my students are also  in the dream. Something like telling me what to do...hmmm....

Then I dream of Summer Ace asking me about Malaysia. Then I told him that he knows more than be because he is the one who was able to travel their physically. All I have are just knowledge.

Then pop! It's waking time....

Now in a few minutes, me have to prepare to go to bed.

Good night! :)

Oct 3, 2011

woke up this morning with a dream of a man. His other arm was somewhat became invalid maybe because of accident or illness. Because of this, he retreated to the lonely wild and lived ascetic life. His father was the only one who religiously comes to visit him. Actually he can still do a lot but he opted to live a hermit's life. It is his choice while in fact a lot of prosperous opportunities are still coming his way.

A lady, maybe his love, sits and wait at his parent's house. People their age are already producing babies but they somewhat have none yet. The man's parental family have a meager source of income and they are comfortable with it. Supplying rags is what they do.

Then pop! I woke up with the feeling that even if physically I am alone in my bed, I feel like a male is just beside me. Whoever is he? I cannot identify from the two. But I am impressed though.

Sleepy and tired for the day, as I closed my eyes for a little while, A vision of black beans just popped out from my imagination. I feel like it means prosperity.

But the dream about that man puzzles me for the whole day 'till this moment. Makes me want to pause and stop to figure out what it means. Actually it made me sad for the whole day.

Two Kittens, Two Houses

I am on my bed then I felt something on my breast. There are two kittens on top of each. I tried to hug them and put them beside me as I sleep but the other one ran away. So I called him/her back.

Next thing I noticed, was that why am I sleeping on the floor but the sheets are with me. I saw my bed empty. Then I got up, carried the two kittens with me, from the house in km 4 I went started to walk back to our house in km5. Then I thought, "my mother has two houses?". Skipping, gliding and floating I went by.Arriving home, the two household dogs welcomed us. Then I set the two kittens free and they're happy to be in their old territory as they played with the dogs.

A Stone's Throw Away From Palawan

After a long time, it was just this morning that I dreamed of my late father. We went traveling and this time, it's in Mindanao. Then in my mind, I said: "usto tapnu malibot Luzon, Visayas ken Mindanao". I remember seeing the seaside, twilight then he said that the Island I am looking at is Palawan. It is just a stone's throw away from where I am. I can't understand if it is day or night. It is just that I can see the Island, the sea and where I am (this is the second time that I dreamnt of Palawan. The first was that I was in there). Then I have to wake up so that I will not be late in going to school.

As usual, the presence of my father in my dream brings me comfort. This dream did not leave me tired. Thanks, dad. I miss you.

---- oOo -----

At last, this morning Astro held my hand. (kunwari tiningnan ang oras hehe...)

Then I went to the church to help 1D in their class mass. My first time to play the guitar throughout the duration of the mass. There were some mistakes but again, there the power of prayer was affirmed. I can feel I was so blessed. The better behavior of the students is also noticeable. That mass was so powerfull.

Then at recess, I talked to Astro, don't know what to say but i can strongly feel there is something I need to do to affirm him. Don't know what happened how I held his hands, then I hugged him. I just hope I was able to send him the message of care and comfort. I just hope he is fine now.

Night and Day

Woke up this morning with a dream that I'm home. Then there's sir L the principal in the school setting with the usual people in the school. It is night time and there are particular crops in focus just like what i have in farmville: red mushrooms. Then i spread my sight and I saw mountains in the far distant. The brown earth covered with sunlight creates a dramatic orange hue just like what I usually see during sundown on the mountains of Balili. Then I wondered why is it that it is day there and night time. Then slowly as if the day is breaking and little by little many are illuminated by the sunlight but where the crops is, it is still night time.

Then I have to get up to prepare to go to school. I plan to go there as early as 7 am because I want to talk to Astro but maybe because of my slow movements, I got there on time when the bell rang.

But I am happy at the end of the day because after a long time, I am again with the three students who have become close friends with me. Now, I know they are the three kittens I dreamed of before. I just hope I will be able to give the best to them and bring out the best from them before they graduate.

the sea, the bike, the rain

i dream of astro and me and there are other people around. we have to go to a place and we have to move before the tide goes up for the only way to go there was a beach. Together, we rode his bike, me at his bike. I'm concerned that I might be too heavy but the bike moved on. And so we rode along the shore.

Next scene was that we are at an eatery/restaurant. Everybody seems to know one another. He sat down and eat while preparing for the next ride. the journey is not yer over. And am waiting to continue the ride. It's sooo sweeet holding on him.

Next scene was that I am in my family's house. My sister moved her bed a few feet towards her headboard. The house is so old and it is raining. We just woke up on a Sunday morning and my sister is anticipating  a female friend to come over. It is a rainy day.

that's all for now. Today is Sunday and after finishing my meal, I'l have to do my home chores again. 

No pants

This morning, i dreamnt i went to the store accross the hi way and i don't have pants! then in going back to the house, why is it that i have to ride on a super mini bus and it is taking me too much timje to go back. and i'm gonna be late! hmmm...what does this mean?

Today, at least the mass songs were better. But at the end of the day I'm still hurt because of Busaseg taking my place for astro. i cannot do anything. sitll wondering and questioning until when will this pain and suffering be. when will i be able to fulfill my mission. how will i be able to break the bondage that is making him sad and in pain also?

...and now he is angry because of our analysis with a friend.

i'm hurting and sad.

Sept 2, 2011

A day where I lack sleep and all I want to do is go home and sleep. But alas! practices and practices every hour. Then the club i am handling has to sponsor the 5pm novena mass (with other groups of course). Tried to stay awake and do my task well.

Prayed over for my "alaga" after the novena mass. I hope I was able to do it well despite the many distractions. Ang I'm not yet over for tomorrow's mass will need a lot of prayer.

Went home with the students but astro suddenly rode the jeep w/o even saying a nudge. Of course, the gurl still is following him. Then together with the other students, we rode a jeep home. Then we saw the two in km 5. I wonder where did they go for a date? Hmmm.... now my mind is wondering how will I be able to do my mission if there is busaseg who is always with him? What more, I am not the only one who is hard up in this situation. My alaga and the people around are also being affected very badly because of the flirting that busaseg is doing. No, it's not just flirting but he is enslaving my alaga. (Sigh...) how much more sacrifes, hardships, sadness and depression do I need to go through and astro needs to go through just for this mission to be a success?

Sept 1, 2011

Haha...I survived August. Today is another month and the birth month of a special one. Not much can i recall from my dreams. Just that there are so many people in it.

Hmmm....what would September bring?

Aug 31, 2011

Just dreamnt that I was in a school office busy with my computer trying to finish something. The principal is inside his office. sir caludz was there also trying to relay what is happening to the practices being taken cared of by fellow CLF teachers. I felt being protected inside the office as I prepare myself and the tools needed before I will go out to face the fight.

That's all for the night's dream.

I wonder how is astro and what he is thinking and doing?

dreamless

can't remember my dream last night but I slept at 4pm this afternoon. I saw myself in the J C M room with other people. There's JP and sir Alan and I was in a corner. Then i saw astro sleeping in his classroom and his classmates are laughing at him because an obssessed girl is already kissing and caressing him while sleeping but he still wouldn't wake up. Then when he awoke, he said "lasang laway".  Then I asked astro: "bakit kasi? anung ginagawa mu? kaya mu naman eh, bakit di ka kumilos?"

Haixt...heartache =(

aUG 29, 2011

Not much that I dreamnt but there is a hazy memory of me going to a place where it is similar to a forest. Then I A_i_a_ne Sa_ri Bnisa came into my dream. She is alone. That't it.

Got to go to sleep in a few minutes to catch more z's.

Deadman rising

Weird dream. A patriarch of a family I know died of old age so I went to visit them. They have to move to a cheaper and old house made out of wood which is three or two storey in standing. Still spacious for a family of four but it is already grey as it is an old house. When they are burying the old man, I wondered why they did not put back the dirt to cover the coffin. And I saw the hand of the dead move. I thought I was just imagining for everybody didn't react. Then slowly the dead man rise up like he just woke up from sleep. Of course, I ran and went to the husband of the daughter and told him what I saw. instead of being scared, he was happy and so everybody realized that he wasn't really dead but just sleeping.

Then back to the gray house, the spark of authority of a man, a teacher, a former principal of a prestigious 'boys' only' school  in Baguio turned college instructor and a servant of God is seen again in his eyes. His strength is back like he just did fell asleep for a long time.

The whole family is happy again for the grandfather is back with them again. Then we toured the house. in the second floor is a very wide space used for partying and dancing. It seems the house was made from the 1920's but it still is sturdy. It just needs repainting and it even has a garage.

That's all for the second dream.

The first dream was a dream about my my former student B.B. but I can't recall the details. What I can just recall was that he's there in the dream. That's all for today. Hmmm...what will be my dream tonight?

stormy saturday

It was supposed to be our recollection today but storm Mina's tail hit the land. hmmm...what was my dream last night?

There are two that i remember.

1. Woke up at 3 am in the morning by the strong rains and wind. But seemingly, Arian is there with his usual thick black and white jacket. It is hazy but i know he is there just watching. So, I just fell back to sleep trying to catch some more z's.

2. Then i dream that Arian, Karel, JP (the usual gang) was on the private street in my neighborhood near the first store in the entrance. As usual, i don't like the way Karel is being near Arian. But Henry was there. I asked Henry to teach me to play violin. It seems I know a little about it and he was just guiding me how to do it. Then a thought came in my mind that while there is nothing that can be done for the current situation, i would rather go on improving myself while patiently waiting for things to unfold. Anyway, it is really a time of waiting.

Brocken Hearted

sooo broken hearted today. Trying to make my mission not to be affected by it. Sooo hard but I guess it's part of what I have to bear. Hurting and wondering when will this suffering end. Anus adi bagi. (Sigh...)

Traveling but can't remember

for the past days now. i always wake up tired and feeling sleepless. have I been travelling to other places? How I wish I could vividly remember.